Archive for the 'Life' Category
Things have been up and down for a while, as most of you know. I think things are starting to settle down a little. I am working through a lot of stuff internally, but think I am starting to forgive myself for some of the past hurts I have caused and forgive those around me.
Life’s too short to continue living in constant turmoil day after day… It’s time to live again…
Until next time…
BTW, I turned 31 yesterday… I guess I’ve started that downhill spiral! 
I know I’m an ass for writing my feelings for the world to see, but this somehow makes me seem human… Maybe all 2.3 of my readers are my therapists and they just sit me on the digital couch and read… Who knows, it makes me feel a little better to get my thoughts out and into the open… Way open since they’re on the Internet for all to see… I’m crazy, I know…
I am starting to feel a little better emotionally. I’m trying to tell myself that I don’t need anyone to validate who I am. I’m either me without anyone, or me with someone, but I need to be me. I’ve experienced a lot of hurt over the past few years and I think I am just now starting to deal with it… A little late, I know, but I guess these things take time…
Before you read on, know that I don’t hold any grudges, or try not to. I just have had some experiences in my life that I am trying to deal with within myself. I hold no one at fault for where I am, other than myself.
I guess in 2006 I experienced the deepest betrayal I believe one could. The bad part is this: I brought it on myself. Ever since then, I have had huge trust issues. I have doubted myself. I haven’t forgiven myself for things I did to get to the situation I was put in in 2006. I may never forgive myself…
I didn’t walk or run yesterday… When I woke up, it was pouring rain outside… When I got home, I didn’t feel like doing anything…
Am I entitled to a sick/bad weather day?! I don’t believe I’ll have time to do my walking/running this evening either… We’ll see. I’d really like to get it in every day… Well, at least 6 days a week… I need to get healthy, get the blood flowing, heart rate up, see if I can;’t get something flowing around in the top of my dome so I can shake some of these ill feelings I have been having. I’m hoping to improve my decision making process… In my personal life at least… That’s where I seem to be struggling these days…
So, I know all 3 of my faithful readers know that I am personally going through some stuff… It will pass… I just need to do something to start feeling better about myself… Who cares if I get skinny (that’ll never happen), I just want to feel better… Physically and mentally…
Until next time…
I’m thinking that I’m so screwed up right now because I don’t have any sort of physical activity in my life, therefore, my blood doesn’t flow to all the vital parts of my being. This may be why I continue to make bad decisions… My blood is starving for oxygen and blood flow…
Yesterday, I walked 1.46 miles in just over 22 minutes. It felt good to walk, if only for the discipline factor… Using my Nike+ gear does help. I like gadgets and this helps encourage me to walk/run. I like the fact that I can visualize my walks/runs (no running yet, that’ll be in a few weeks). It also gives me stats as to how many calories I burn, my average pace (which is slow), etc.
Below is an updated “widget” that shows my last run stats. There is also a link to my last walk. Enjoy… I’m a loser!
Yesterday’s Walk… BTW, my pace is far from consistent…
Until next time…
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