This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 13th, 2008 at 7:56 AM and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
There are so many times I feel like I make this journey alone. I feel like I’m in a world that no one can ever enter into. I have built my walls of defense and tried to hold them up high so that I would be protected from the emotional elements. When someone finds a way in, or I lower the gates and allow them in, I feel extremely vulnerable with them running around my little world…
I have trust issues. I don’t like making myself vulnerable anymore… I don’t like letting people in anymore. I don’t mind them hanging outside the outer walls of the city and mingling, but I really don’t want them coming inside. Even if I allow them in, I question my choice and kind of want to be by myself again… I know it’s not the right way to be, but it is true and I’m trying to fight it…
I want to have a world full of people. I want people to be able to gather within the walls of my city. I do want that but at times I don’t feel like I am good enough at policing everyone I let in. “What are they doing?!” “Do they wish me harm?!” “Why did you welcome them in?!” “What if they don’t see eye to eye with you on things and wish you harm?!” “What if they take your world for granted and trample upon it?!” “What if…”
So, letting people in is good, right?! I will give it a try but don’t be surprised if I have you hauled outside the city walls with the quickness. If I make myself vulnerable and you take advantage of that, we will have some hard decisions to make… Too many people have helped me get to this point in the past, including myself… But, only I can help me get over it… Let’s get to tearing down those walls!
Until next time…
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